Wednesday, June 02, 2004

You Know You Need a New Lawyer When...

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”

- He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”

- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

- He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”

- Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.

- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

- He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.

- Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

- Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”

- He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

- He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said...”

- He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

- Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”

Posted by Venusian31 on 06/02 at 01:16 PM
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