I’m not sure where to begin with this entry. So many amazing things are happening in my life right now, I can’t even grasp it all in my own head much less get it all down into a coherent journal entry.
Normally, this is the type of stuff I would write about in my other journal, i CAN do it!, because that journal focuses more on my personal life, but there’s no doubt that God is behind all the changes going on in my life right now and I felt this journal was the better place to write about it all.
For the last two years I have been on disability while struggling to overcome Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as Social Phobia, which is a condition that causes a person to suffer severe anxiety or panic attacks in social situations. For a long time, I wondered if I would ever get my life back. Nothing seemed to control the anxiety and I was getting sick of being alone all the time. I wanted to have friends. I wanted my career back. I wanted to be able to say hello to a stranger without feeling that overwhelming sense of panic. Then, three months ago, I started taking Lexapro and my life began to change.
It didn’t happen all at once, but I started noticing that I could say hello to people and not feel panic. I started WANTING to get out and do things, to meet people. Finally, three weeks ago, I started a job rehabilitation program, which is designed to help people with disabilities prepare themselves to go back into the working world. Part of the program involved participating in a support group, something I had been unable to do before. I was nervous and scared, but I went and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Last week, with the encouragement of the group, I decided to take a huge step and apply for a job I found posted on a local job search website. This job was my dream job. If I had been asked to write a description of the perfect job for me, this job would be an exact fit. The hope of getting a job like this someday was the driving force behind me going back to college at the age of 32 and getting a degree. So, I submitted a resume and a carefully written cover letter by email.
I didn’t really expect to get called for an interview. In my mind, submitting the resume was just a practice exercise. A testing of the waters, so to speak. But the company called me. The very next day! To say I was freaked out would be an understatement. I was terrified! I had no idea if I could actually DO a job interview. To prepare for the interview, I met with my job counselor and with my support group and we practiced interview techniques. They gave me tips and ideas for keeping my anxiety under control. Most of all, they gave me encouragement. They believed in me and they made me believe in myself.
I also prayed. A LOT!
Last Thursday, the 9th, I did the interview and it went really well. They told me it would be a few weeks before they made a decision but, again, they called me the very next day and requested a second interview for Monday, the 13th. The second time, I wasn’t nearly as nervous. The successful first interview had greatly improved my confidence. It also helped that the people there were absolutely wonderful. They made me feel instantly comfortable. The second interview went as well as the first interview and I left feeling very positive about my chances. They told me they would make a decision by the end of the week or early next week but, again, they called me the very next day. This time, they OFFERED ME THE JOB! My DREAM job!
Of course, I said yes!
For the last few days, I have been so excited I can barely sit still. Sitting down to write about it before now has been entirely impossible. I still have trouble believing that on Monday, I will actually rejoin the working world. And I’ll be doing my DREAM JOB no less. There is no doubt in my mind that God’s hand was in all of this. The job, the company, and the people there are perfect for me. This job couldn’t have been a more perfect fit if it had been designed just for me. Everything fell into place too perfectly to be anything but the work of God.
For the last two years, I have held onto my faith no matter what. I knew God was there, even when I couldn’t see Him or feel Him. And just as He rewarded Job for holding onto his faith, God has rewarded me for holding onto mine. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough.
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