How do I know? Well, I could sit here and tell you I know because the Bible says He exists. I could give you all the theological proof that the Bible is indeed true and, therefore, the existence of God is also true. I could even tell you that Faith doesn’t need proof and leave you hanging that way. But none of those things would be accurate, not for me anyway. The reason I, personally, know that God exists is because I feel Him and I’ve seen Him work in my life in ways that prove to me He exists. I can’t explain it any other way.
It hasn’t always been that way. I was raised with a Christian background. I even went to a private Christian school from the first grade to the eight grade, where Bible class was taught right along with Math and Reading. I memorized the books of the Bible and numerous Scripture passages. I went to Church every week like a good little girl. The problem was none of it ever got in. It was always just surface stuff. Another subject to memorize. As soon as I was old enough to refuse to go to Church, I stopped going and I drifted away from God.
It’s not that I became a bad person. I didn’t get into drinking or drugs or promiscuous sex or anything like that. I just lived my life without concern for God or Church. I made poor choices and bad decisions. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I always thought that “God” existed, but He just didn’t seem real to me. He was more an intellectual idea than a person I could have a relationship with and I didn’t really want to think about Him too much because I knew that if I did, my life would have to change and I wasn’t willing to do that.
It took many years, 2 failed, abusive marriages, a third failed relationship that just missed becoming a failed marriage, career frustration, health problems requiring scary surgery, major depression and a serious struggle with social anxiety disorder, which I am still struggling with today, before I finally realized my life was out of control. I needed answers and I didn’t know where to turn.
I wish I could say that I turned to God then and there and everything magically got better, but I can’t. I didn’t turn to God. Instead, I got angry at God. I screamed and cursed at Him. I blamed Him for letting me suffer. I blamed Him for all the pain in the world. I blamed Him for all the pain in my life. For a while, I think I even hated Him. But, in hating Him, I began to FEEL Him and He accepted my anger and even my hatred and He loved me anyway. I can’t explain it but I felt it. He wasn’t an intellectual idea anymore. He was a person and I was talking to Him. Eventually the anger gave way to pain and, as I searched the Bible for answers, the pain gave way to trust. God started speaking to me through His Word and He was telling me how much He loves me and that I’m not alone. He will never leave me no matter how bad life gets.
I can’t prove to you that God exists, but I know he does. He gave me all the proof I needed as soon as I opened up my heart and became willing to listen for Him. I sincerely hope that everyone who doesn’t have a relationship with God will open their hearts and listen, too. You don’t have to believe. Just be WILLING to believe and ask God, if He exists, to prove Himself to you by giving you Faith. I promise you, He will, and pretty soon, you’ll find yourself believing in Him without being able to explain why. You just do!
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